27 Etiquette Opportunities for Contemporary Living

As you begin studying etiquette, consider that our society is a fast-moving culture, but a quick-paced society does not excuse rudeness. The importance of manners becomes obvious when we don’t use them. Have you ever encountered someone who is rude and demanding? How did it make you feel? We’ve all been in situations where we have felt uncomfortable because of someone else’s actions, choice of words, or even the tone of delivery. Unfortunately, not all individuals know how to behave in social settings, which is the very reason that as educators we need to teach our students. As we teach our students appropriate ways to act and behave in society, there is transferability of these skills to the workplace. Often these skills are viewed as the “soft skills” needed for employability.

Students and young adults tend to associate “proper behavior” with formal social events, but true etiquette involves behaving with respect and consideration for others in everything that you do, whether that be attending a professional dinner or banquet, interacting with customers at work, or simply hanging around with friends. Etiquette really comes down to one thing—being thoughtful of the other people you encounter in your everyday life.

Employability Skills

Etiquette

Handshaking

Manners

Netiquette

Professional Dining

Respect

Technology

Etiquette is the behavior and manners considered appropriate in the world. It involves rules of conduct that allow us to communicate with people and interact with them in a civilized manner. Most people who are successful conform to these guidelines of expected behavior.

This chapter provides specific elements of etiquette and explains why we should learn etiquette. Topics include professional etiquette, cell phones, and technology etiquette, hand-shaking, thank you notes, dining and table manners. In the Family and Consumer Sciences (FCS) classroom, student participation, and role interaction in social scenarios and work-based learning situations will be critical for your students as they learn and apply proper etiquette.

There are numerous reasons why FCS teachers should address etiquette, and we should begin by modeling our etiquette expectations in the classroom starting with our classroom rules and behavior expectations. Proper etiquette helps to create an environment where everyone is comfortable and knows the standards to which they are being held. Further, employability potential may be higher when students show they can work with other students and adults in a respectful manner. Interpersonal relationships can also benefit from proper manners.

While it may seem antiquated to some, the reality is table manners are very relevant because they are important in social and business settings. Unfortunately, many students no longer have planned mealtime where family members eat together at the table, and therefore, do not have the opportunities to learn and/or practice appropriate table manners. Having the basic knowledge and skills of etiquette helps students feel more confident in unfamiliar settings, for example when they are traveling to FCCLA events where they are eating in restaurants or attending an awards banquet, or when they are interacting with judges in FCCLA STAR Events or other competitions.

Further, students—who will be global citizens—need to understand that some etiquette expectations in the United States might actually be disrespectful in other cultures. For example, in the United States (and other Western cultures) we teach students that eye contact is very important, especially when greeting someone for the first time, however, in many cultures, especially the Asian culture, looking someone in the eye who is an elder is inappropriate and considered highly disrespectful.

Research findings indicate that etiquette is important to success. A lack of courtesy and respect for others is currently a serious problem in the United States. Civility in America (2013) reports that parents have seen an increased level of incivility (12%) between children in schools and neighborhoods from 2010 to 2013. However, rudeness is not a new phenomenon. In fact, a study conduct in 2002 by The Public Agenda for The Pew Charitable Trusts Organization revealed that 79% of people in the United States surveyed expressed a belief that a lack of respect and courtesy was a serious problem in the U.S. (Farkas, Johnson, Duffett & Collins, 2002). In addition, 73% of participants felt that Americans treated each other with more respect in years gone by than they treat each other today.  The following video demonstrates some common situations in which people are rude and gives suggestions on how to handle it.

Good manners have become more complicated as technology has become more prevalent in our lives. Gone are the days of only learning please, thank you and pardon me. Phone usage during family dining at a restaurant, holiday events at grandparent’s homes, bathroom phone calls, and texting or browsing the Internet during a meeting have become commonplace in our technology-driven society.

Current high school students may not know that there is a difference in the way people treat each other. If our society as a whole has been getting ruder since 2002, then a 15-year-old wouldn’t even know that a different expectation used to exist. Students are growing up in a society where rudeness is the “norm”; however, in business and industry, and even in the formal classroom setting, it is not. As FCS educators, we need to be aware of what society is teaching our students and help them decipher what is appropriate etiquette in both business and educational settings. Students should invest time in becoming knowledgeable about the rules of polite behavior. They should practice their newfound etiquette skills at school, at home, during social activities, and at work. As students practice correct social actions, they will be perceived by others as competent individuals who are an asset to their school, family, community, and employer.

Corporate trainers suggest that employees of all ages are becoming increasingly rude to their coworkers and many seem oblivious that norms and standards of behavior exist. While our current society has become more casual, and manners and propriety may seem less important, they are far from obsolete, especially in the business world.

Etiquette should be embraced as a valuable asset and as such, it should be taught as a skill and applied in authentic situations. Its use should be cultivated among individuals, families, students, and co-workers. Most individuals generally don’t spend enough time really thinking through how their actions will affect the people around them. Being inconsiderate and being disrespectful go hand-in-hand. Talking down to other students, co-workers, salespeople, and members of any community; ignoring their opinions; interrupting; not introducing people to each other, and simply ignoring others is inconsiderate behavior and represents a fundamental lack of personal respect. By thinking about their behavior, individuals can turn each action into a conscious choice. The more individuals practice making respectful choices, the more likely it is that those choices become their normal behavior.

All individuals should be instructed that etiquette will leave a positive and lasting impression on others. Knowing that you will make a positive initial impression is a great confidence booster. Keep in mind that when you make a negative initial impression, about eight subsequent encounters that are positive are needed to reverse an initial bad impression (Ford, 2010; Hedges, 2015).

Before reading this section, watch the video of the top 10 Bad Business Handshakes.

As a future professional, you will be judged with every handshake. Take time to practice your handshake and ask for feedback. Then, when the appropriate situation occurs, be conscious of how to shake a hand. With a little practice and confidence, you’ll make a great first impression with your handshake.

Using proper dining skills and table etiquette will ensure an enjoyable dining experience. Using appropriate table manners is always a good idea, even at home with your family, and are especially important when you’re dining out with colleagues or during job interviews. Table manners, like your handshake, can be practiced, and the safest environment to practice is at home with your family.

When the restaurant host/hostess tells you to follow him/her to your table, do so without rushing ahead. Once you are seated, look at your menu and decide what you’re going to order. If you need more time to consider the menu, it is appropriate for you to politely ask the wait staff for a few more minutes.

After you are seated, especially at a banquet table set for 8 or 10 people, it can be a challenge to determine which silverware, glasses, napkin, and bread & butter plate are yours. Simply remember three initials: BMW, which stands for bread, meal, and water. To your left is your Bread & butter plate and forks, in the middle is your Meal plate and to your right are your Water glass, other glassware, coffee cup, knife, and spoons. The following video will show you how to properly set a table.  http://ed.ted.com/lessons/how-to-set-the-table-anna-post.

Remember to not let your manners slide once the food arrives. Proper etiquette says that you shouldn’t eat until everyone has been served. Make sure you swallow before speaking and eat at a slow pace. Try to remember to place your utensils down in between bites, and don’t forget to use your napkin.

As the food is passed, take what you wish from the bowl or platter when it reaches you, then pass it the person to your right. 

After sitting down at the table, spread the napkin across your lap. If the dinner has a host wait to pick up your napkin until after the host picks up his.

The most important thing to remember about a napkin is that it should stay on your lap until you have risen to leave the table. If you leave the table during the meal place your napkin on the tabletop to the right side of your place setting near the spoons and/or coffee cup. If you have soiled your napkin, which is normal, fold your napkin so the soiled part is not visible to the other dinners and place your napkin on your seat. When it is time for everyone to leave the table, fold your napkin (not necessarily neatly) and leave it on the tabletop to the left of your plate.

Using your napkin as a bib is not considered proper etiquette. If you are eating a food that tends to spot your clothing (soup or spaghetti or certain salads dripping in the dressing), it’s possible to protect your clothing in a graceful way without using your napkin as a bib. Pull your chair in close and lean over the table when you eat this splashy kind of food, holding the napkin against your chest to protect your clothing.

When dining it is important to know how to hold your fork and knife correctly http://www.wikihow.com/Use-a-Fork-and-Knife. Grasping the fork like a cello and the knife like a dagger will place you firmly in the silverware hall of shame.

The American style or zigzag style of eating is practiced by most people in the United States. When using the American style, hold the knife in your right hand and the fork in your left with the tines down. After you cut a piece of food, place the knife on the upper-right edge of the plate. Then switch the fork to the right hand, and eat the piece of food with the fork tines up. The term zigzag comes from the constant switching back and forth of the fork from the left hand to the right and back again. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sNE2DhQ1AZ4

When you are pausing between bites, use the rest position of an inverted V. Cross the fork and knife on your plate, with the fork tines down, over the knife. The fork tines should face approximately 2 on the plate clock, and the handle should face 8. The knife tip should face 10 and the handle 4. Each handle should extend about an inch over the rim of your plate.

To indicate that you have finished eating, visualize the face of a clock on your plate. Place the fork and knife handle at 3:20, with the tips of the fork and knife at the 11 position. The fork should be on the inside or on the bottom and the knife on the outside or top. The tines of the fork should be placed up and the sharp edge of the knife facing inward toward the fork to avoid any show of aggression.

The Internet has been called “the most important single development in the history of human communication” (Barry, n.d.), and has revolutionized the way millions live, in countless ways. Though mostly positive and useful amenities are provided by the Internet, such as quick communications, a new way to advertise, the ability to create and design anything imaginable, a fundamental marketing research method, as well as numerous other functionalities, with such efficiencies, there can also be downfalls to having such quick access to the Internet at all times.

There is a general sense of confusion about what is appropriate when it comes to the use of technology. Syndicated etiquette columnist Judith Martin has been helping readers understand social and business etiquette situations for decades and stresses that the same rules apply even though technology and cell phones may be the current trend. As she indicates, “it has never been acceptable to ignore the person who you’re with, use profanity in writing or talk loudly in a crowded elevator” (as cited in Armstrong, 2009).  Unfortunately, too many people use cell phones and send text messages in public and ignore where they are as well as who and how many people can hear what they are saying (Armstrong, 2009).

You can improve your personal and professional technology etiquette by considering the following tips identified by Armstrong (2009):

One cause of poor etiquette in textual communications is the absence of non-verbal feedback and a reduced sense of responsibility between people who may never have to address each other face-to-face. Technology etiquette is known as Netiquette. The following are suggestions for using cell phones:

Remember, that it is never too early to be exposed to and learn proper etiquette. The sooner individuals are exposed to appropriate social protocol, the better the chance is that etiquette will become a staple of their character. Specific etiquette guidelines dictate how people should act in a given situation. These guidelines exist for a purpose; to help smooth the way for positive interactions between people by prescribing the ways in which we’re expected to act and react to people around us.

Armstrong, L. (2009) Think before you talk, tweet or text: The need for technology etiquette guidelines. Public Relations Tactics, 16(8), 10.

Barry, D. (n.d.). BrainyQuote.com. Retrieved from https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/d/davebarry102154.html

Chaney, L. H., & St. Clair Martin, J., (2007). Essential guide to business etiquette. Westport, CT: Praeger.

Farkas, S., Johnson, J., Duffett, A., & Collins, K. (2002). Aggravating circumstances: A status report on rudeness in America. Retrieved from: http://www.publicagenda.org/files/aggravating_circumstances.pdf

Ford, M. H. (2010). Body Language: And Behavioral Profiling. Bloomington, IN: AuthorHouse.

Hedges, K. (2015). The Do-Over: How to Correct a Bad First Impression. Retrieved from: https://www.forbes.com/sites/work-in-progress/2015/02/10/the-do-over-how-to-correct-a-bad-first-impression/#74d6326e55f6

Ingram, L. (2005). The Everything Etiquette Book, 2nd Edition. Avon, Massachusetts: Adams Media.

Lipscomb, T. J., Totten, J. W., Cool, R. A., & Lesch, W. (2007) Cellular phone etiquette among college students. International Journal of Consumer Studies, 31(1), 46-56.

Mausehund, J., Dortch, R. N., Brown, P., & Bridges, C. (1995). Business etiquette: What your students don’t know. Business Communication Quarterly, 58(4), 34-38.

Murphy, J. D. (2000). Business Is Combat: A Fighter Pilot’s guide to winning in modern business warfare New York, NY: Harper Collins Publishers.

Preece, J. Etiquette Online: From Nice to Necessary. Communications of the ACM, 47, 56.

Silverman, R. E. Recent College Grads Lack Professionalism. The Wall Street Journal, B8